


So Many Signs

by Shinigami_Mine



Series: Melodies of Bleach [2]
Category: Bleach
Genre: Angst, F/M, Heartbreak
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-29
Updated: 2020-10-29
Packaged: 2021-03-09 05:14:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,056
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27259264
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shinigami_Mine/pseuds/Shinigami_Mine
Summary: To not understand someone as well as you thought you did, can be one of the most painful things of all.
Relationships: Abarai Renji/Kuchiki Rukia, Inoue Orihime/Kurosaki Ichigo, Kuchiki Rukia/Kurosaki Ichigo
Series: Melodies of Bleach [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1748272
Comments: 5
Kudos: 12
Collections: Ichiruki week





	So Many Signs

**Author's Note:**

> Day 6 of IchiRuki Week: Emotional motion sickness/I can't seem to drown you out

“I think we should stop here before we go too far.” When Rukia spoke, she couldn’t even meet Ichigo’s eyes. She kept her gaze to the floor in front of Ichigo’s feet. Her expression was resigned, with a note of sadness within guarded violet eyes. Only someone who knew Rukia as well as Ichigo did could see that hidden emotion.

Ichigo couldn’t believe his ears. After all they’d been through, after all they’d felt, can she really end it like this? His hands formed into fists at his sides and trembled slightly. She wasn’t even looking at him. She was telling him something as significant as this and she couldn’t even look him in the face?

“Rukia! Look at me!” Rukia immediately looked up at him, her expression barely changing. “You can’t be serious, right? Are you saying we should just drop everything? Just like that? That we should just pretend that everything we’ve felt to this point meant nothing? You can’t be serious!” He looked at her with a pained expression. One of disbelief, one of hurt. “Rukia, I…”

“I am serious, Ichigo. You must think I’m making this decision lightly, but I’m not. This is for the best. We can’t go on from here. You might not be able to see it now, but you’ll be happier this way. It is better for the both of us…” She looked away from him during her third statement, but returned her gaze with the last one. “Goodbye…Ichigo.” She turned away from him and walked away, her shihakusho swooshing around her ankles.

“Rukia!” Ichigo called out to her, but it was too late. She had already left, disappearing through the doors of the Senkaimon. It wasn’t the kind of goodbye where they would never see each other again. It was the kind that signaled the end of any emotional attachments beyond that of friendship. Ichigo clenched his fists tighter and yelled out in frustration. If Rukia thought that he was going give up on her and the prospect of having any relationship together, she was wrong. He would keep trying to get her to change her mind, until he was absolutely sure that there was no way that it could happen. He was sure that it would never get to that point. There was no way that she would feel anything like what she felt with him with someone else.

~*~

He was wrong.

He was invited to the Soul Society by Rukia to share some news with him. It wasn’t the first time he’s been to the Soul Society since their last conversation, but it was the first time that she directly invited him herself. Ever since she became a lieutenant, she could make such orders. Otherwise, it was up to other lieutenants or Captains to invite him. Yes, he had his Substitute Soul Reaper Pass, but he couldn’t just show up whenever unannounced without stirring up some trouble. Considering how their last conversation went, he thought it best to give Rukia some time to cool down. Hopefully when they met again, she’d have changed her mind.

Ichigo stepped through the Senkaimon and into the Seireitei. He looked around him and noticed that not much had changed. Then again, not much did change here, especially within the short span of a couple of months. The place was bustling with Shinigami going to and from different divisions delivering paperwork or reporting on their mission progress. No one seemed to notice his arrival, though he had been working on controlling his reiatsu. It must be paying off. Not too long after he arrived though, a pair of unseated soldiers from the 13th Division arrived to meet him.

“Hello, Kurosaki-san. We are here to escort you to Rukia-fukutaicho’s.” They both bowed to him and the one who spoke stood up first. “Please follow us.”

Ichigo chuckled slightly. “I appreciate it, but this isn’t my first time here you know. I can find my way around just fine.”

The second soldier spoke up next. “We are aware of that, Kurosaki-san, but Rukia-fukutaicho insisted that we escort you. Please be patient with us.”

“Ah, sure. And please, call me, Ichigo.”

“As you wish, Ichigo-san.”

Ichigo scratched the back of this head, wondering how in the world “-san” managed to attach itself to his name. However, he didn’t dwell on it too long as he was more curious about why Rukia ordered for him to be escorted to see her. That was also a first, but he assumed it must be standard practice for lieutenants to do so. Knowing Rukia, she would want to be an exemplary lieutenant in order to reflect positively on her division and her Captain.

He followed the two soldiers in silence to the 13th Division and then the Lieutenant’s quarters. It was odd that Rukia would want to meet him at her quarters, especially during the day when she should be in the office working. Any thoughts about why that must be fled his mind the instant he sensed Rukia’s reiatsu. A soft smile fell across his face as the familiar sensation wafted over him. It had been a while since he had felt her reiatsu and he realized that feeling it was one of the many things he missed in her absence. Once he was standing just outside the door to Rukia’s quarters, the soldiers bowed to him one final time and left without a word. When they were out of his sight, he took a breath before raising his hand to knock on the door. He was also going to let his reiatsu flare out to announce his arrival, but before he did, he sensed that someone else was inside with Rukia.

“Renji…?”

~*~

_I can see you standin’, honey_

_With his arms around your body_

_Laughin’ but the joke’s not funny at all_

_And it took you five whole minutes_

_To pack us up and leave me with it_

_Holdin’ all this love out here in the hall_

Ichigo stood there in shock, not believing what he saw before him. Rukia stood there wrapped in Renji’s arms as they told him that they were going to get married.

Renji laughed, “Isn’t great, Ichigo? We wanted you to be one of the first to know. After our Captains of course!” Renji tightened his hold on Rukia and nuzzled his face into her hair.

Ichigo was speechless, staring at Rukia in disbelief, praying that this was some kind of cruel joke.

“Ichigo. It’s true. Renji and I are getting married in a few months. We wanted to tell you here in person. I hope you will support us.” The expression on Rukia’s face was unreadable. Even Ichigo had a hard time figuring out what she was thinking. To think, after all this time…he thought he knew Rukia inside and out. He thought they had a bond unlike any other, one where they could understand each other without a single word. Only to realize that he didn’t know her at all.

_I think I’ve seen this film before_

_And I didn’t like the ending_

_You’re not my homeland anymore_

_So, what am I defendin’ now?_

_You were my town_

_Now I’m in exile seein’ you out_

_I think I’ve seen this film before_

“Y-yeah. Th-that’s great! I’m happy for you two. Thanks for letting me know.” Ichigo choked out his words and forced a strained smile on his face. “W-well, I got to go now. Congratulations.” In one fluid move, he turned around and walked out of Rukia’s lieutenant’s quarters, shutting the door behind him. He kept walking with his head down, his bangs casting a shadow over his eyes. His pace sped up until he transitioned into flash step, and everything passed by in a blur.

He ran until night fell. He ran until he couldn’t anymore and he collapsed onto the ground. He rolled over onto his back, panting and stared at the stars above him. He squeezed his eyes shut and pressed his palms into them. They’ve hit that point. Rukia found someone else that she held those feelings for. She left him behind.

_Hoo, hoo-ooh_

_Hoo, hoo-ooh_

_Hoo, hoo-ooh_

~*~

The next day, Ichigo returned and apologized to the new couple for his abrupt departure. He told him that he was just surprised at the news, but genuinely happy for them. Renji accepted his apology agreeing that it was a rather big piece of news to lay on him so suddenly. While he was none the wiser of Ichigo’s actions, Rukia saw right through them.

She could tell that Ichigo was unhappy with the turn of events. She caught him glaring at Renji on several occasions, but whenever Renji turned to look at him, Ichigo would wipe that expression off of his face. He looked like he wanted to give Renji a piece of his mind. Knowing how hotheaded Ichigo could get, Rukia figured he’d rather give Renji a piece of his fist.

She told herself after she left Ichigo behind following their last conversation a couple of months ago, that she didn’t regret her decision. She was doing what was best for Ichigo in the long run. He may not realize it now, but he would eventually. Things would be better for both of them this way. They weren’t from the same world. It would be too hard for them to maintain a relationship this way. He’ll be happier with someone of his own kind. She’ll also be happier being freed from this feeling of longing. She couldn’t possibly have feelings for this human boy who she shared so much with over time. Not when she had someone like her who loved her for as long as they known each other. She was sure that she didn’t feel anything for Ichigo beyond feelings that one has for their nakama.

She was wrong.

_I can see you starin’ honey_

_Like he’s just your understudy_

_Like you’d get your knuckles bloody for me_

_Second, third, and hundredth chances_

_Balancin’ on breaking branches_

_Those eyes add insult to injury_

Despite herself, despite having Renji, who she cares about at her side, she couldn’t lie to herself anymore. She knew that what she felt for Ichigo was more than just friendship. It may have started as a friendship, but something had changed. The more time they spent together, the more they got to know one another, the more their bond changed. They understood each other more than anyone else could. They needed each other more than anyone else would. Being around each other was a comfort. It was peaceful, it was contentment.

She tried to convince herself that Ichigo would just leave her in the end, like all the others that she cared about did. Thinking that should have made moving on easier, but it didn’t. Two months apart did not help quell her longing. Renji finally admitting his feelings for her and his asking for her hand in marriage didn’t help her let go. She accepted his proposal and decided to invite Ichigo to the Soul Society to tell him the news. She hoped against hope that actually seeing Ichigo after all this time and telling him of her engagement would free her from the emotions that tied herself to him. She hoped that he would take that news in stride and tell them that he found someone else as well. It did not happen.

Ichigo’s shock at the news did more than just dash her hopes on stone. It made her realize what they had was hopeless. She knew that Ichigo wasn’t the type to just take things as they are. She knew that he would fight for what he believes and what he wants. He wanted her. That much was confirmed when he came back and apologized. His expression said it all.

_I think I’ve seen this film before_

_And I didn’t like the ending_

_I’m not your problem anymore_

_So, who am I offending now?_

_You were my crown_

_Now I’m in exile seein’ you out_

_I think I’ve seen this film before_

_So, I’m leavin’ out the side door_

Instead of forcing herself into exile away from him, she decided that she would give Ichigo one more chance. Not wanting to hurt Renji, she decided to leave it in Ichigo’s hands. She didn’t say anything or let anything on. She acted like nothing had changed, appearing as though she stood by her words earlier. However, that didn’t mean she wasn’t going to give Ichigo a hint. She hoped that the bond they shared would enable him to realize that she’d rather be with him. She vowed to herself if Ichigo said one thing or made one move to take her back, she would no longer resist and would never part from him again.

~*~

Time went by and Rukia gave Ichigo an open invitation to come to the Seireitei at any time. He took advantage of it at first, but eventually visited less and less. Rukia was never far from Renji’s side or rather he was never far from her side. She never did anything to bring Renji closer, but she also never pushed him away. She seemed more receptive to Ichigo’s more frequent visits, but she still maintained a somewhat sad countenance. Ichigo couldn’t stand seeing Rukia look at him like that.

Ever since she had lain that bombshell of news of her engagement to Renji at his feet, he felt like he didn’t know her as well as before. Did he ever really know her then? Did he manage to misread her all that time? Doubts swirled around his mind and weighed on his heart. They jaded his views on everything and with time, the light slowly died from his eyes, stealing his drive to fight for her.

The more he saw Rukia, the sadder he became…

The more his heart started to break…

Every time she looked at him, he felt that she was telling him to move on...

That she no longer had the feelings she once had for him…

That it was over.

Each time he left the Soul Society, tears slipped unbidden from his eyes. At first, he roughly wiped them away, but he eventually became numb to them. They just became a usual occurrence after every visit. As he visited less and less, he spent more time with Orihime. He knew she had feelings for him, Uryu told him as much. He felt he should at least give the girl a chance. After all, Rukia had moved on. Why shouldn’t he?

With each passing day, he grew more numb and began living in a haze. Even his visits to see Rukia, while they were livelier then when he was back in the World of the Living, they were still punctuated by sadness. He saw the person he cared for the most, in the arms of someone else. A person who he had once viewed as a friend. He couldn’t entirely blame Renji. Who wouldn’t want to be with someone like Rukia? Ichigo just blamed himself. He blamed himself for walking that thin line between love and friendship with Rukia for so long and letting it break under their feet.

_So, step right out_

_There is no amount_

_Of cryin’ I can do for you_

_All this time_

_We always walked a very thin line_

_You didn’t even hear me out (you didn’t even hear me out)_

_You never gave a warning sign (I gave so many signs)_

~*~

“So, Ichigo. How is your family doing?”

“Oh, they’re doing good. It is summertime so Yuzu and Karin are enjoying their time off. My dad is as annoying as ever. How has Byakuya been?” Ichigo glanced over at the petite Shinigami who had addressed him.

“Ah, he’s doing well, thanks. Luckily things have been peaceful in the Seireitei lately, so he nor the other Captains have much to contend with right now.” Rukia brushed some hair behind her ear as she returned his gaze. She felt a flicker of hope as it appeared that Ichigo was going to say something else, but then Renji came up from behind her and wrapped his arms around her.

“Yeah, it’s been nice around here. I’m glad you’ve been able to come around more lately. You can help with setting up our wedding! Maybe you can tell us some about the traditions they have in the World of the Living!”

“O-oh, yeah. Sure… I don’t remember any right off the top of my head, so I’ll have to get back to you on that. Sorry.” Ichigo grimaced and gave a somewhat apologetic look, though Rukia knew it was forced. Luckily it was missed on Renji’s end.

“No worries, Ichigo! You can tell us about it later. Hey, Rukia. There is a lieutenant’s meeting that we need to attend. We better get going.” He turned her around in his arms and held her close in a hug.

Rukia turned her head to see Ichigo watching them. She looked at him with eyes full of sadness and longing. There was nothing that she wanted more than to be in Ichigo’s arms instead. For their hearts to beat as one as a testament to their feelings for one another. She wanted him to say something. However, to her disappointment, he didn’t.

Ichigo sighed and turned away. “I guess I should leave you two to it then. Later.”

Seeing Ichigo walk away, Rukia’s gaze fell to the ground and her grip on Renji’s shihakusho tightened. It seemed that Ichigo had lost his fight. 

_All this time_

_I never learned to read your mind (never learned to read my mind)_

_I couldn’t turn things around (you never turned things around)_

_‘Cause you never gave a warning sign (I gave so many signs)_

_So many signs_

_So many signs (you didn’t even see the signs)_

_I think I’ve seen this film before_

_And I didn’t like the ending_

_You’re not my homeland anymore_

_So, what I am defending now?_

_You were my town_

_Now I’m in exile seein’ you out_

_I think I’ve seen this film before_

_So, I’m leaving out the side door_

~*~

Ichigo saw it. Every time he thought he had a moment with Rukia to himself, Renji came along and ruined it. He doubted that Renji was doing it intentionally, but it still bothered him. He saw how much Renji cared about Rukia. He saw how she let him touch her or remain by her side. She never complained or seemed annoyed by it.

If anything, she looked sad. She looked at him with that sad expression. Seeing Rukia was hard enough as it was, but seeing her like that or with Renji was even harder. He wanted to be the one by Rukia’s side. He wanted to be the one to touch her, to be the one in Renji’s place. Every time he saw her in the other’s arms, his heart broke a little more. Whenever he went home and he realized that he wasn’t the one with Rukia, he would feel his eyes start to tear up. He forced himself to get a grip and stop that senseless display of emotion. No matter how much he wished that things were different, he knew there was nothing he could do to change it. He was in exile.

~*~

_So, step right out_

_There is no amount_

_Of cryin’ I can do for you_

_All this time_

_We always walked a very thin line_

_You didn’t even hear me out (you didn’t even hear me out)_

_You never gave a warning sign (I gave so many signs)_

Rukia saw it. She saw Ichigo slowly fall apart. She heard him tell them that he started dating Orihime. Renji seemed genuinely happy for him, patting the orange-haired male heartily on his back, giving his congratulations. She saw Ichigo just take it, a half-hearted thank you slipped from his lips. Her gloved hand formed into a fist as she resisted the urge to reach out to him. It hurt her to see him this way. She knew something was not right, that he wasn’t happy. He appeared as resigned as she did when she first told him that they couldn’t be together. His eyes had lost most of their warmth and looked dull. He glanced up at her and gave her a strained smile. What had she done?

_All this time_

_I never learned to read your mind (never learned to read my mind)_

_I couldn’t turn things around (you never turned things around)_

_‘Cause you never gave a warning sign (I gave so many signs)_

~*~

It was the day of Rukia’s and Renji’s wedding. Friends and family from the Soul Society and the World of the Living showed up for the event. Uryu and Chad wore their best tuxedos and Orihime wore a flattering but modest dress. Even though Ichigo wasn’t in the happiest frame of mind, he still dressed his best. It was the least he could do for his friends, the bride and groom. Friends…. Using that word for one of them hurt more than he ever thought it could.

He watched Rukia be led down the aisle by her brother. Today was supposed to be a very joyous occasion for her, but like him she had a melancholy air about her. Not that Renji seemed to notice. He was too enraptured in Rukia’s beauty to notice her emotional state. Ichigo couldn’t help but mentally scoff at that.

“Ohhh, Rukia looks so beautiful! I-I’m so happy for them! Aren’t you too, Kurosaki-kun? I-I mean Ichigo?” Even though they’d been dating for a little while, Orihime still forgot to call him by his first name sometimes. She was smiling and crying tears of happiness for her two friends as they stood together at the altar and exchanged their vows.

Ichigo stiffened unnoticeably upon hearing what Orihime said. He wasn’t entirely sure if it was because she still calls him by his last name or that she started calling him by his first name. He was sure though that it mostly had to do with her comment about the nearly wed couple.

“Y-yeah. I am…”

“If anyone objects to this marriage, they should speak now or forever hold their peace.”

The priest stated the line before the marriage was consecrated. Ichigo looked up and straight into Rukia’s amethyst eyes. His eyes widened in surprise as he noticed she was staring at him right after the priest spoke. Her eyes appeared to be pleading, as if she was begging him to speak up, to object. Ichigo’s heart sped up for a moment. Was Rukia basically asking him to stop the wedding? Did she not want to marry Renji? Could she possibly want to be with him? He slowly opened his mouth as if he was about to object, but after a moment he closed it.

He remembered what Rukia told him that day several months ago. Before they hadn’t seen each other for two months and he heard of her engagement. She said that she considered it carefully and determined that this was better for the both of them. It was better for them to not be together. He thought he understood everything about her, but he did not. She was probably pleading that he wouldn’t say anything, that he would let things be. He wasn’t going to be the one to spoil her happiness.

Rukia eyes glistened a bit once she noticed he wasn’t going to say anything. She turned back to face Renji as the priest spoke again.

“With the power invested in me, I now pronounce you both husband and wife. You may kiss the bride.”

Renji leaned down and kissed Rukia on the lips. She closed her eyes as tears slipped down her face and she returned the kiss. Cheers erupted from the crowd. The rest of the light faded from Ichigo’s eyes as he closed them, turning away. Tears leaked from his eyes and he did nothing to stop them.

“Goodbye…Rukia.”

_All this time (so many signs)_

_I never learned to read your mind (so many signs)_

_I couldn’t turn things around (so many signs)_

_‘Cause you never gave a warning sign (never gave a warning sign, never gave a warning sign)_

**Author's Note:**

> Song: Exile by Taylor Swift


End file.
